addiction

My last poem...

2010-02-16T23:29:00.000-08:00

Years later from now,
On the journey to my grave,
Betraying the urge to stay on,
I would whisper that old song,
That’s yet to come…

Holding in my pen on that last day,
How I wish I could write you a poem,
Of words with life that went away with you,
And the journey we had had so far…

“Though I must not leave as I promised. But no breath remains forever. Smile on my grave if you can for we meet again,up there.
P.S:- I love you”

As I would keep my last poem beside your pillow,
And kiss on your forehead for just last time.
I would whisper you those memorable words,
That’s yet to come…

Days after my grave gone old,
Sitting on the clouds of heaven,
I wish I could touch you again,
In the same way we did,
When we were teen…
I wish I could say thanks,
For loving me till world ends.
And say sorry for not saying,
So many love you(s)
On so many occasions,
Those are still yet to come…

The Weak Warrior...

2010-02-16T23:28:00.000-08:00

(Part I)
In the Urge to diminish his grave,
And to knot his pride,
The warrior must betray the reason,
No matter how weak you are,
When the sword is in your mouth,
You speak only vowels…

The Warrior lifted his shield, the armor,
Diminished sword, and the Courage.
He was not an obvious fighter,
Had little strength, less stamina,
Slackly built, shy and imperfect.

But
The battlefield awaits him,
Tonight,
The warrior betrays the reason…

(Part II)
Raised mud smells blood,
The warriors fights all,
Spears Shaken,
Shield splintered,
The glory of real men lies in the perfection of courage.

“Men, you fight for power, for your king, for glory. But tonight, one man rewrites the History of Battles”
Said the warrior.

And the warrior fought like a man,
His Sword Turned Red,
Crimson Shade in his eye,
No matter how weak he is,
Tonight, Blood shall he seek.
For some reasons,
Blood transmits the element of pride in brave ones.

“Oh, Young one, you a no warrior. In the age of reckoning, weak die, fools suffer, you disrespected your king. You posses no pride, no strength. Tell, what you fight for ?”
Said the enemy.

The warrior closed his eyes,
The red darkness of distinct past,
He could see her finger down his body,
And the whispering in his ears,
“My love, No retreat, no surrender. Fight like a man, bow for no one. Drench your sword with blood and pride. Die like a free man, and when you go in heaven light yourself so bright that people start worshiping you and not that sun…”

The warrior slashed his arm,
jagged sword parting his flesh.

The warrior raised his sword.
“As a real men, I fight for my women. For her respect, for her love, for her.

(Part III)

With bundled pride and glory,
The warrior returned home.
The exalted spark in his eyes,
Still a dissolved aks of her beloved…

He knocked her door,
And finds another man opening it…

Tonight, on his side of river,
He waits for her beloved.
He will not throw pebbles today,
For, ripples are bad examples of love…

And he saw her
Beauty. Perfect. Bliss.
He named it, “Her”.

“My warrior, He is a gold merchant. He would bring medicines when I’m sick. He would care more then my family. He taught me to laugh, made me smile. When you were away, he walked that extra mile.”
“Do you love him ?”
“Favor, my warrior favor. I have to repay him, I have to repay back. He is all I have today, he wants to go back, but I can’t let him go. I’m drawn to him, amazed by his charm. I’m deep engulfed in his thoughts, I don’t want this to end”
“My love…”
“Yes”
“No retreat, No surrender…”

The warrior left.

(Part IV)
In love,
Neediness is a brutal companion.
And the acceptance of true love,
Is mere a signal of perfect ignorance.

He prepares for battle again,
He palm is heavy, he is sweating,
The spear is shaking,
The sword is blunt…
Tonight,
He fights for no reason…

The fish in the sea is never thirsty...

2010-02-16T23:27:00.000-08:00

Drowned in so deep sea,
I should not yearn for water,
But the thirst for anything I have now,
Is less than I had at shore…

So much am I accustomed,
To the comfort of being in the sea,
That the distant sight of the shore today,
Doesn’t make me thirsty…

But I’m thirsty,
Like a simple boy who is in love with a simple girl,
Though he loves her so much,
But he still wants to love her more,
With each passing day…

See, I’m still thirsty,
I’m submerged in the sea,
But I still yearn for water,
To get more of it...

Ohh, boy, like me,
You should know this too,
The fish that's in the sea,
Is NOT thirsty...

Urge to Stay on...

2010-02-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

Two friends,
Alone with tears,
But together to smile,
And smile being there lonely companion...

She leans on him,
And he can’t stand alone,
There need for each other,
Is the only urge to stay on.

But don’t they know?
In love,
Neediness is a brutal companion…

So, don’t show ‘em any excuse,
To reason ‘em what they don’t accept,
Coz acceptance of love in a relation,
Un-reasons the love they have with ‘em.

But aren’t they aware?
In love,
Reasons are needless companion…

Two friends,
In need of each other,
Betrays the reason to love,
Coz they think,
Love is an anti-friendship companion...

Too much to ask for...

2010-02-16T23:25:00.000-08:00

Your discovery of gaps in me,
Resides silently in despair…
Yes, you shouldn’t pretend walking in ‘em,
Coz, today, I find you standing there…

But now I’m drifting you away,
Coz you are hurting my gaps each day.
Though, my denial is not an urge to end…
But surely a start where we can’t pretend.

Today, I ask you nothing to explain,
But your desire to make things this way,
Why, just, why? You overlooked love in my eye,
Aah, sure, you thought it’s too much to ask for…

Then tell me,
Wasn’t your discovery mere a realization,
Of the degree of angles in love?
Or wasn’t my truth in accepting your lie,
A very much base for you to pretend love ?

See, I’m drifting you away,
Coz you would still walk around ‘em,
Though, I need you not to fill ‘em..
But I hate you 4 showing ‘em up…!!!!

An E-mail to God

2008-01-21T04:42:00.000-08:00

TO: God kool_dude_bhagwan@yahoo.co.in
Subject: Seeking sum answers.

Hello God,I know you are always busy.
But if it's ok with you,
Or if u can read or write,
Or if you have a broadband connection,
And not a dial-up one,
Please Answer few of my questions.

They say our destiny is written by you,
And nothing can change it,
Then why do we pray you for better lives?
Because I think,
No one's life resembles heaven,
In that case God,
You are a bad author.

They say God help those who help themselves,
So I've always helped myself to smile,
Whenever I've cried in pain.
But I've seen that,People who do bad to us never cry,
In that case God,
God help those who are eventually bad.

God, I wonder one thing,
Do you get happy when you see a child smiling?
I guess not,
Coz you are immortal,
And immortality has no emotions.
In that case God,You are jealous of us,
And you make us die.

God, I don't think bad of you.
I just've some bad questions.
But, as people say, you are good and nice.
I hope you will reply something good.

Sender: samrat singh

Things that i'll never say

2008-01-21T04:41:00.000-08:00

Don't ask me,
How my wounds feel when they get old,
Coz I’ve lived with 'em, not you.
Don't tell me,
That in love, Time is an intoxicating touch,
Coz I’ve healed 'em, not you.

But I want you to listen some things,
The things, I've never said.
That when wounds get old,
Memories are only toxic medicines.

So don't bother me,
Why my words don't tremble so much,
& why I never cried in front of you.
Coz, these are the things,That I’ll never show.

Don't tell me,
That you always wanted me to made,
Promises that you asked me to take.
Coz, those were the words,
That I’ll never-ever say.

But I want you to know something,
My wounds don't tremble in promises,
And my love will never cry without you.
Coz I’ve loved love, not you.

The Desire to live

2008-01-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

If the pleasure is more in the hunt,
Than in acquisition, and
anticipitation is far more exciting,
Than fulfillment;
Then, tell me, darling,
Why we always had to seek a Culmination of desire at all ?

When our melancholy in loneliness,
Was far more rhythmic than,
Our songs of togetherness,
And our excult in jigs,
Was far more louder than,
Our screams in pain;
Then, why did we ever met
And danced together?

And if the road to zenith,
Rises from the trenches of
Failure,And the fruit to true love,
Blooms only after being in,
Despair;
Then, darling,
Why we always had a Ladder so short?

I will forget you one day

2008-01-21T04:36:00.000-08:00

It's hard to pretend now,
That your absence is my excuse,
To live life a moment more.
Coz everyday in my life,
Presence of this deep wound,
Is my excuse to remember you some more.

But I will forget you one day.
May be that wound you gave me,
Would get more deeper,
And I would feel nothing.

It's easy to cry now,
Where tears are clueless to flow.
But don't touch them anymore,
it will only make there efforts foul.
Your memories have been deceptive in despair,
One tear, one clue to our first kiss.

But I will forget you one day.
May be tears will die till then,
And I won't have to pretend,
That your memories were just an excuse,
To dig my wound deeper everyday.

Gazal

2007-12-10T01:48:00.000-08:00

Raat ki just-juin thi yahi shaam se,
Maine tumhe dhup mein intzaar karte dekha hai.

Dhop kyun saaya hamara dhundla kar deta hai,
Maine jinhe subh ki fikr karte dekha hai.

Fikr hoti hai muje har raat iss subh ki,
Maine toh patharoin ko chandini mein pigalte dekha hai.

Mat picha karo taroin ka gardish raatoin mein,
Maine unnhe chaand se raasta puuchte dekha hai.

Kya ek chadr kafi hai hasratoin ki sardi chupane ke liye ?
Maine her raat umeedoin ko barf pe jalte dekha hai.

Aaj phir raat ne tufan ko bahar ka naam diya hai,
Maine sawan mein pyaasi nadi ko bahete dekha hai.

That's my way

2007-10-22T02:31:00.000-07:00

Tears are,

My way of telling i'm smiling.

A distinguished dream that resides,

In rainbows of eye,

Broken.

Blood is,

My way of screaming i'm alive.

A crimsion liquid that unfolds,

Secret of healed wound,

Silently.

Pain is,

My screams in smiles.

Lonely river that coalesce,

To a dry lake,

Feared.

Love is,

My way of tearing blood in pain.

Love is,

Tears of blood in pain.

We will meet

2007-10-22T02:29:00.000-07:00

If one day we don't meet,
I'll change the very defination of love from the world.

But, I know, one day we will meet,
Perhaps on a lonely coffe table,
Or in the streets of cities,
But we will meet for sure.

For one moment,
For one silence,
We will hold our past,
And will hide our pain,
To fake a smile,
But we will meet for sure.

It wasn't you, it wasn't me,
Then what made us drink this coffe ?
No questions,
No answers,Like earlier It used to be.
You won't say, I won't hear,
We would just listen,
The silence of lonliness,
The speechs,
What all these years,
We haven't understand.
Not a tear to complaint,
Not a HI to start again,
For a min, For a hour,
But we will meet for sure.

And when that fine day we meet,
I'll change my life to be with you in next lifetime.

Drops of pain

2007-10-22T02:22:00.000-07:00

A drop of pain,

In pace with memories,

Cry in agony of being alone,

Satted with countless grief,

I fall short in numbers,

But I,

Count 'em all.

In sound of tears,

Resides a brutal lullaby,

Screaming till dreg of pain,

A dream couldn't have flourished,

My reality goes deaf,

But I,

Hear 'em all.

A nightmare in remorse,

Gulity of sleeping in sad lullaby,

Awakes, to bear it all.

Drops of pain in arid,

Gulity of hiding behind sad lips,

Drops,

And I,

count 'em all.

Before i die and they bury me,

Gift me a broken casket,

Not that i'll count my lingering breath,

Not in that darkness i'll weave a dream,

But, with death of countless deaths,

I'll regain, what they call, drops of pain...

Fuck Off- I need you no back

2007-09-21T02:43:00.000-07:00

I’ve been a little monster fucked up ass,

Ever since you promised me of loving back,

I won’t cry, I won’t wait, and you’ll hate this,

But just go away, I need you no back.

Love was so fine, but you pissed all over,

Now you love the piss back, amen darling.

Loop of proximity grooves makin you wet,

But fuck off, I need you no back.

I stand with one motherfucking option,

Roll a bullet in my head, two in yours.

Enuf screwin done, don’t look in my eyes,

You made me a monster, I need you no back.

69, hard strokes, Tip-Tap-Toe,

You fool, you forget that blow?

Think of never loving me back,

I’m angry, I need you no back.

In blankets Of love

2007-09-21T02:40:00.000-07:00

Let us roll,
In blankets,
Of eyelids,
Silently...

Come whisper a night,
In pillows,
Of dreams,
Quietly...

Let us swim,
In deep-blue water,
Of kisses,
Mildly...

Come ride with me,
On the curves of moon,
Forever will we walk,
In the twinkles of bright star.

In silent eyelids,
In quiet dreams,
In Mild kisses,
Let's hold the eye and dance,
Forever in the music of night.

Shadows of sight.

2007-08-22T00:04:00.000-07:00

I love past that way,
In horizons of green sky,
Where the trench of blue-water,
Kept us alive,
Together...

When the winds kept us going,
Over the bridge of jumping bliss,
Under the shadows of sight,
We were sitting,
Quite...

None could see us through,
dreams we made inside,
Waiting it to come true...

I hate present this way,
In blood of black-red,
A bleeding eye contract,
Making us weep,
apart...

Where the trench of pain still,
Deepens the wound to dig,
Another wound for a kill,
inside both of us,
still....

I'm Crying.

2007-08-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm crying,

for no reason, no purpose,

No, don't try,

For i won't smile,

Without a reason,

I won't even try.

I wasn't unhappy then,

But why did, that day,

So well you had to pretend.

You aren't afraid,

of my tears.

So be it, Don't show.

You aren't trying,

I'm hurt.

I'm crying.

I've tried,

Joy in tears,

But no use,

I'm not begging,

You won't give,

Tears of joy,

With your one touch.

I'm hurt,

Brutally, badly.

Don't say you care,

Don't show you try.

I've a reason,

It will make me cry.

No,please, I beg you.

I need a dream,

To sleep forever,

With you in it,

One touch,

One night,

One pain,

to crying...

Again.

I don't want to fight anymore....!!!!

2007-07-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

Last night i called you,

You saw the missed calls and din't called me back,

It's ok, I understand,

I don't want to fight anymore...

I can pile up whole my problems,

but i don't want you to dissovle,

It was never ok, I don't understand,

But i don't want to fight anymore...

It wasn't you, It wasn't me.

But things have gone wrong.

I can write a poem or sing a song,

But can you read words and make things right ?

You won't say a word or listen.

That's why i don't want to fight anymore...

Next night, I won't call you,

For the fear you won't receive,

Lets us move and leave love aside,

I know,

Even you don't want to fight anymore...

Unwritten Words

2007-06-29T01:28:00.000-07:00

With you by my side,
I lived a life everyday,
Now since you are gone,
I die a death everyday.

Holding each other by waist,
And tender touches on neck,
Must have been a beautiful scene,
Or love, but now it’s over.

I have dreamt of those eyes,
Whispering me a sleepless night,

Find a reason and love me again,
I’ve been dying everyday in pain.

You and he holding hands,
And strolling on the cores of bliss,

Must have been a beautiful scene,
Or love, but I’m not there.

With you by his side,
I, now, dream of a satisfying death.
But ever since you have gone,
I’m dying to die a satisfying death.

In blood I never was...

2007-06-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

I thought about you today, And for the first time it wasn't about the past,or the lies, it wasn't about he hurt, or the tears, It wasn't about my broken heartor what I used to wish the future would be.

It was about the end to all that,and the beginning of a friendship.

So I don't know why people say love never ends infriendship because mine for you has ...
Can't say how I feel,

Can't tell if my heart would heal,

butI always knew from the start I never really had your heart.

So leave me,now before I cry.

The pain's too much to say GOODBYE.

But Always remember each tearI shed is an I love you left unsaid.
Hurtin myself gives me pleasure...reminds me of being something,

That i never was...

A Broken mirror !!!

2007-06-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

I looked at mirror,
Swollen eyes, diminished dreams.
Drenched in a fake smile,
I spotted a fading aks.

A tear never rolled like this,
Silently from my heart,
I wanted to cry loud.
But I fear they will know I’m hurt…

I hadn’t slept for years.
Like a baby I once used to.
Everyday a dream fades away.
In the drying waves of crystal ships…

A tear dead dropped,
Never looked at me back,
Leaving behind a haversack of pain.
No smile has ever grown.

One day, I’ll sleep for years.
Holding a broken mirror of dreams.
Drenched in a fake smile.
They will spot a fading tear…

Is she pregnant again ?

2007-05-27T16:55:00.000-07:00

"Darling, isn't my love true to you ?
"Bastard, what will we do with this ?
I looked at her balloon tummy,
That chemist,
5 ruppy condom,
5 1/2 minutes
"Darling, keep a name for it"

O god, pregnent again !
I guess eve's bite from apple of knowledge
was a dept women were doomed to pay till eternity.
"Darling, you need a apple ?
"That raised middle finger meant NO.

Moving to a doctor, again.
Same old doc in "batra enclave".
Is she pregnent again ?
"No doc, it's just the weight that she gained"
OT, red-light and all gone.
Thnkx god, mommy dsn't know.
and yeah, some loves arn't true...

No more experiments with body,
NO more testing of holdin power.
"Darling, let's have dinner tonight.
"Bastard, I know what you serve at night.
She hanged up.
That night,
A cup of bournvita,
My true love.
My true pain.
Finger crossed,
makin wish
Whatever god,
"But not pregnent again" !!!

2007-04-11T14:30:00.001-07:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

A boat that never sailed

2007-04-11T12:09:00.000-07:00

Neither a perfect storm nor an imperfect rain,
But i saw smooth sailing sinking ship.
Neither the sailor nor the ship knew the pain,
How waves hammer standing crips...

To the coast came that wave,
Crying along with a crip.
Cries haunted coast too,
For he knew could have been that ship...

Coast and wave are no friend,
For coast kisses smooth sailing,
And waves hammer sinking ship.

Beneath the ocean does she rest now,
She paid for trusting wave.
If she could rest on that coast,
She couldn't have felt the imperfect pain...

Confession of a fake smile

2007-04-10T16:04:00.000-07:00

If you could have been with me,

I would have drawn you a bit closer,

A bit close to see how it feels to live without your breathe.

How it feels to search the same face that i used to see the whole day.

With each moment that passed by,

The wound you gave me gets deeper.

Those sleepless night are now filled with tears,

Tears mended in sweet touch.

Those sweet touches, Song we sang,

The dance...hymns in lone darkness.

When i had you, i had my life,

My world.

You said you will come in my arms,

Swinging like seasons.

I fought with my own to have you.

I love you and i don't know what i will be doing without you.

I can't survive.

This is me,

You left me in and went ahead on middle way...

You 'll miles ahead with sun n stars, under the sky.

Move ahead without showing me a star.

A star what could have been with me.

You left, yes you did, i don't know why ?

May be I'm a liar,

But I'll stay where i was all these years.

Cause i have never known, nor do i want...

To take a step without you in my life.

I confess, it's a fake smile.

i haven't travelled, it's a fake mile.

I am not begging you to come back.

Neither can i draw you close.

But i still love you.

And i don't know what i will be doing whole my life...

Without you.

Too much to ask for

2007-04-10T05:20:00.000-07:00

Times when things used to go wrong
When everything seems right,
How seasons turn dark overnight,
When sun sparkled so bright...
All alone in pain,crying in rain
A shed was all i asking for !!!!

The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood,
The fights that came and went still itch me deep inside
But i guess you never realised things d way u should...
A chocolate hug a toy kiss
A glass of milk with motherhood bliss
A loving hand was all i asking for !!!!

Smile among the tears
Joy among the fears
Demanding for your support in clashes
You think that's too much I'm asking for !!!

Life turned sour,
Soul churned in flour,
A spoon of sugar i begged for
You think that's too much to ask for !!!!

A candle in dark i asked for ,
You thought that's too much too ask.
Things i thought were for me sure,
But how,u snatched silenced flask
You thought that's too much that I'm asking for !!!!

Because of you.

2007-04-08T11:06:00.000-07:00

You came and you went
they say you will never came back
how can i stop expecting you from coming back tomorrow.... ?
when i know am living with all those lies
how can i stop lying with people..... ?
when i know truth is there's no tomorrow

I still live as if you are here by me
feel the pain despite all those rain
and ask eyes not to blink
that u might not sight away
you know why i still beg moon to wait a bit more ?
you know why i tell tears to not to flow much ?
you know why my heart still doesn't breathe
coz i love you !!!!

The time you hold my hand
time flew like sand
you know why i still remember those promises
coz i love you
no i don't cry these days
because now i have found the ways
the stars still laugh on us
how we promised and made a fool of them
you know why i hate being called sweetheart
coz i love you
coz i love you, that's y i don't sleep with lights turned on
coz i love you, that's why i don't feel the warmth of seasons....

Why a poem in this blog ?

2007-04-08T01:42:00.000-07:00

Loads of cute poems,
On the back of my 11th bio book
Every word encrypted with my pain,
Secretly, under the 3rd drawer, no one to look…

I try to shed tears from my pen,
In lonely corner I write, without her…for her.

I posted some verses,
They asked,” You loved someone truly, ryt?”
I deny… I’m kool.
But, I ask myself sincerely,
They understand, nobody’s fool
Each word of that poem I wrote yells…
I have always loved you truly…

Will you ever read my 11th bio book?
Or in ‘addictedsam.blogspot.com’, will you care to look?
Then why do I write them?
Am I showing-off my pain, my sufferings?
Probably yes, May be no…
But my pen just can’t hold back…

If I die darling, would you even know?
A sharp knife, poison or a hammer blow,
Will you even care to look at the blood?
Was it your name written or colour red…
You will forget it in a day,
And I the only one who feels this way,
Should I write one more poem?
On the back of my torn bio book. Yes, I’ll…
You will never read it, never feel it
But I can always admire myself,
No matter what they say, you say
Everyday,
I knowI have loved you more than
my poem can say…..

Alive i was, Alive i'm

2007-04-08T01:40:00.000-07:00

I’ll never walk with you,
You might leave n walk ahead.
As a statue can’t I stand either,
I’ll move,
alone I was, alone I’m…

Though dark does this way may seem,
You might want ‘us’ to lit the lantern,
But,I’ll never walk with you again,
You might burn me and walk ahead.
As ash can’t I rest either,
I’ll reincarnate,
Alive I was, Alive I’m

They say it’s all about walking together,
In love, along the beach, in the bliss.
Then why am I walking alone ?
In insecurities, along the pain, in the dust…
A haversack of tears I carry mended in lies
Some bleeding dreams dance in my flaxen eyes.

Though entangled in web this way may seem,
You may want ‘us’ to ax the mushy greens.
But,I’ll never walk with you again,
You might incise me and walk ahead.
As a beef can’t I bleed either,
I’ll re-join
One I was, One I am

Broken Eye

2007-04-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

Each day, you pass this way,
I held myself, not a word that I say.
Your wet eyes scythed my reflection,
Word are scuzzy that pass this way.

You say you are happy, doing fine,
I dint ask, I don’t mind.
Amazing, how u lie with that broken eye…
That day, I said “I love you”,
Fingers crossed, you said “Me too”,
Amazing, how you captured me with a broken eye…

If you pass by me, I’ll say
But would u even stay?
No you won’t, so what! I won’t cry.
A tear will roll down; neither in eyes will he stay.

You are happy, I’m fine.
Pass my way no more,
I won’t look,
that broken eye, not anymore.